


Had I not been awake

by daredmistake (DaredMistake)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Childhood Friends, Eventual Fluff, High School AU, Jean is a drama queen, M/M, Marco is well... Marco, Ratings to change... Maybe, teenage love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-31
Updated: 2014-05-31
Packaged: 2018-01-27 15:48:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1716086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaredMistake/pseuds/daredmistake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean after putting all his friends against him. Has to survive a two week field trip facing his fears and his past errors. One of them being not being friends with Marco any more but especially not realising his feelings earlier. But well he be able to get everything right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

* * *

**Introduction**

* * *

 

**Lately, I’ve been feeling lonely.**

I’ve never had any trouble with loneliness. In fact I think, I prefer to be isolated from others. Not as much problems, not as much drama. In fact, I always considered myself as somebody who would never need anybody.

But the day Marco decided to walk out of my life, my only company, my only real friend, I realized I needed the people around me. I was truly alone and… I didn’t like it.

I never would have thought someone, especially someone like Marco, had opened my heart like that. I never realized he had taken such a space in my life, until he decided to join EREN fucking JAEGER. I’m sorry I can’t mention his name without swearing so to keep my calm, this _thing_ will be referred as _the_ Gnome. 

 

It all started when I entered Trost High School, three years ago. I, Jean Kirstein, was an average high-schooler, with an average height, average face and average fate. I would go to college. Like my father, I would probably become a general practitioner and take on the cabinet, find a wife, have a couple of kids and become the most average of average Joes. Well I was an average Joe with a terrible personality, Gold medal in bitchin’ since 1996. I entered high school with a nice group of friends: Connie who probably is the reincarnation of Ryan Dunn; Sasha, the potato girl, the walking stomach; Ymir, the angry (not so) closeted lesbian; Krista her (not so) closeted girlfriend; Bert and Reiner, the jocks; Annie, the manic depressive hipster. And finally, my best friend and quite frankly my only true friend: Marco. I had known Marco for…ever. We had been in the same kindergarten, elementary school, etc. We did soccer together and then basketball and then hockey, etc. You get the point. I never was a team sports sort of guy so I would always quit quite quickly but my competitive side would get me to take another sport. Marco was always my shadow, did whatever I would do. Marco was the type of guy who would find the greatest qualities to everybody, even to the worst of the worst. I mean HE was friends with me. He never left even when I would yell at him or do whatever douchy things I usually did. We shared the same dreams, the same prospects.

I had it easy, I was quite bright, had a nice group of friends, I was set to succeed in life without any trouble.

But high school decided to change all that. The Gnome entered my life and his squad entered my life and decided to screw it up. The Gnome literally had all the qualities of a protagonist of a shitty super hero movie

 

  1.       The Gnome’s back story: Got abandoned by scientist father when he was young. Mom died in a fire that destroyed his whole village. Is dyslexic and probably ADHD too.



Lucky Bastard.                                                      

 

  1.       The Gnome’s side kicks: Armin, the Barbie girl (who in fact is surprisingly a guy) his childhood friend who’s IQ could probably win a competition between him, Einstein and Stephen Hawking. Mikasa, his magnificent adoptive sister that probably wants his d, more than anything in the world.



The Return of the Lucky Bastard.

  1.       The Gnome’s personality: Has this habit (a talent really) of doing these tear-jerking speeches about succeeding in life, courage, friendship and all that crap. Has just as much determination as Martin Luther King and Gandhi combined.



Lucky Bastard III: the bastard strikes back.

 

Quite naturally I immediately hated the guy’s guts. He had everything I didn't have. He had dreams, the girl (he didn’t even notice her most of the time LUCKY BASTARD LEVEL 9000), and all the super-hero crap. I mean, I bet one day the guy will announce he has freaky superpowers he received from his father to save the freaking planet from an unknown freaky menace. I decided we were to be rivals. Everybody hated me for hating him. He was always “the poor kid”. All my friends left me one by one to join his stupid squad of dreamers. Except Marco. Marco had decided to stay neutral in this war. In any case he could never hate anyone or so I thought.

One day in freshman year, in the mess hall, I got into a heated argument with the Gnome as usual.

“I want to become a doctor. I want to be able to save people like my Mom. I’ll work in an ER. I want to be able to save lives and blah blah blah.” was saying Eren in his usual melodramatic, intense manner.

He didn’t say blah but his speeches are so long that I’m going to spare you guys this torture. I needed to answer. I couldn’t believe how full of shit the guy was.

“Well dude, sorry to say that but if your brain is proportional to your height, you’re not going too far.”

“Jean, don’t you want to be a doctor too? Why do you have to be so cocky about everything I say?” he answered irritated. I had struck a chord.

“Let me explain life kids. Quite honestly everybody in this high school has dreams. They all want to become super stars, athletes, lawyers, hell president! But you know what? Only a few of us will succeed. Only the brightest get things going and even then when you finally lend a job, you put aside your ideologies and you choose comfort. That’s why I’m becoming a general practitioner, where the most dangerous thing I’ll see is gross old ladies with flu.”

I had finished my monologue out of breath but proud of myself. I had probably crushed all of his dreams by now. But he came back asking for more, dangerously approaching me, and turning tomato red of anger. Quite honestly, this was getting exciting. Mikasa was throwing a killer glare at me which had pierced my heart with the arrow of love. Sasha had stopped trying to steal Connie’s pudding dessert to watch the debate with an entire loaf of bread between her teeth (where in hell did she get that?). Even Reiner and Bert who were always a little bit isolated from the rest of the group had stopped eating to listen.

“Well then what about Marco?” the Gnome said pointing his target, “he wants to be just like you and I’m not sure he shares the same point of view you do!”

Marco hearing that spat his water, redness covering his freckles. He wasn’t used to be in middle of arguments and even less being in the center of one.

“You must be joking, right?” I replied grinning from ear to ear. “Marco wants the security, the money and the comfort just as me.”

“Um, I-In fact I…” stuttered Marco, looking at me embarrassed, “I’d really like to help others” he finally replied, eyes now facing the table, blushing harder than ever.

“You’re so full of shit, Marco.” I replied.

“You’re the one that’s full of shit” replied the Gnome, now shouting.

“No, you…” I was cut by the entrance Mr. Shadis, the janitor. He opened the door of the mess hall with such strength he probably would have knocked three students without any problem.

“WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING HERE???” he shouted, veins exploding in his eyes.

“Sasha farted” said Mikasa calmly.

“Say WHAT?” cried Sasha dropping the loaf of bread that had stayed in her mouth the whole time on her plate.

“Again!? Hold it together woman” replied Mr. Shadis looking utterly disgusted.

“Say WHAAAT?” cried Sasha even more shocked.

 

After the school ended I met Marco at the usual place to walk back home. Marco looked down. Which was quite a first, he always was smiling even when he was sad. That was one of his main qualities.

“Yo Marco, why the down face? Is it because of what I said earlier?”

“Ooh Uh. I…”

“Come on, you know what I said to Eren was true. He needed to see the truth.”

“Well I don’t think so.”

He had said that sharply, probably sharper than he intended it to be. However the determination in his eyes only lasted a few seconds, soon after he was looking back at me sheepishly.

“Speak your mind then.”

“Huh, I…" he proceeded then to look into my eyes sharper than ever before. "Jean, I'm tired of you."

 

   

   4. The gnome's new possession : Eren Fuckin Jaeger had now my best friend.


	2. The Field Trip part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean is going to a field trip and has to share his room with no other than... Marco.

"Jean, I'm tired of you..."

 

These words have been pronounced more than three years ago. He never finished all he wanted to say that day.

After the fight, everybody stopped talking to me. I had somehow gone to far. But I really didn't care about the others.

"Okay, fine! Go with them Marco. I don't need you! In fact I never needed you. You always follow as if we're dating or something, first off I'm not a homo so go find other people of your kind!" I had said at that time.

He looked back at me, he looked shocked by my words but didn't say anything and went home by himself. With these words I could see something dying in Marco. A ten year friendship. Smiles, jokes, stories, adventures. Everything disappeared in a second.

And I didn't mean a single word of all this. I didn't even mean half of what I said to Eren. I had dreams and expectations myself but I always were to scared to tell them. I was to scared that people would do to me what I'd done Eren and even Marco. I preferred to be the messiah of the harsh reality instead of the kid with the broken dreams.

Three years passed. I was now a lonely senior. Didn't have friends and my personality grew even more bitter.  

* * *

"Mom! Do I really have to go on this field trip?" 

“It’d be a shame if you didn't go my little Jean-bo! I mean you’re graduating in a month, don’t you want to have fun with all your little friends before you go to college? Maybe you and Marco…”

“Mom stop it, I don’t have any friends… Especially not Marco.”

“What? What happened? Only yesterday you were running naked in the backyard having the time of your lives!”

“Mom, we were five.”

“No, I'm talking about the Christmas party 3 years ago, when you two had visibly smoked something (don't try to tell me otherwise). You probably don’t remember it since you weren't in your normal state of mind, but your father filmed you that night, thought it could be a great punishment, if you want to see it…”

“MOM!”

“What? It’s great material for your wedding day, if you do intend to get married that is… I would love to have grand kids you know…”

“MOOOOOM! The field trip, I'm not going.”

“Actually, young man you are. And this is an order, and you won’t regret it. If I have to I’ll send the said video to Marco and tell him to show it to everyone.”

“Who cares I won’t be seeing these fuckers any more in a month.”

“Jean, language. But what happened to you and Marco? You used to be so close, love of nakedness aside.”

“D-don’t want to talk about it, he’s just… like everybody else.”

“Well Jean, sorry but I'm making you go whether you want it or not. You’ll regret it if you don't reconcile with him. I don’t know what he did to make you so upset, but I've known Marco ever since you both were chewing crayons and he isn't a bad kid.”

What my mother did not understand was that Marco had done nothing wrong. I was the one had screwed everything up. But I’d never admit it at loud especially not in front of my Mom.

I was forced to go to the senior field trip to some forest lost in the middle of nowhere. Everyone seemed so happy to go, so stupid. O was struggling not to scream or go into some fit. I really did realise I was acting like a drama queen but I didn't care. I HATE EVERYTHING GAWD!

* * *

 "So kids, for some reason the school considers that for you seniors deserve a trip to Tahoe forest. I call bullshit on that." Said Mr. Ackerman, our maths teacher, on the bus taking us to Tahoe.

"But since Principal Smith insisted on me taking you guys there, I guess we have no choice. I have really simple rules to follow. Wake-up is at 6 AM every morning to clean up the shit you've done in our camp, fires-out at 9 PM, tents must squeaky clean, I'll check . You can do whatever the fuck you want the for rest of the day except play with fire, throwing stuff into the ground or smoke weed. However if you break those simple rules I'll kick the shit out of you guys personally. If you get lost in the forest, I don't care, you're probably better off being eaten by wolves."

Nobody protested on the rules that were set to us. Mr. Ackerman was way to scary to be contested.

"Also I have set you 'tent buddies', I don't want you kids doing shit at night."

"Oh come on!" whispered Connie.

"Springer, you can be in charge of cleaning every leaves in the camp. I won't let you sleep before it's perfecter clean."

"Yessir! *Goddammit*"

"What's that you say? You also want to cut wood for tonight's fire? How generous of you! Said Mr. Ackermann in his usual monotone voice.

Connie was left in his own despair, Sasha patting on his back, muffling her laugh. 

"So, tent buddies... let's start in alphabetical order : Mikasa with Annie"

"Armin with Reiner" The two teenagers looked at each other confused, I don't think they ever even spoken to each other in the three years they've been  in the same class.

"Marco with..." Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck..."Horseface", FUCK, (and fuck you btw Mr. Ackerman!)

I didn't listen to the rest of the list. I never wanted to go on this trip on the first place and now I was going to stay in the same tent as my ex-best friend for the next two weeks. I quickly looked at him. He didn't look affected and wasn't even facing me, I felt a little offended somehow. Well I don't know what I was really expecting. But I guess I would of liked to see him embarrassed or something. 

"Stop blushing Horsey" said the Gnome grinning like the fucker that he is. Which made me blush even harder.

"S-Screw you, Jaeger." was the only answer I could formulate.

But it's true, I was reacting like a Japanese school girl (not that I know how they react). When did Marco manage to create this heat in me. I used to be so comfortable around him. Maybe the fact that we didn't communicate between each other for so long. But why was I the only reacting? Or did he feel the same? Well he was certainly not showing it and Marco always to show his emotions. He was a professional blusher. He even used to blush when a teacher would ask him a question. I remember very clearly how the blush would cover his freckles and make them almost invisible. But lately it was true that Marco didn't look embarrassed as much, he would would actually speak his mind at loud. He didn't seem to be smiling as much though, I wonder why? I always hoped it was somehow because of me, but I knew it was impossible. He was probably happy not having me around any more. 

Few hours later we finally arrived to destination. We all climbed down the bus and took our bags. I could see Marco talking to Connie. I didn't know how I was supposed to start off the conversation.

"Tent buddies assemble. The tents are over there, you'll have to figure out how to put them up." Thank you Dear Mr. Ackerman! " 'Won't help, I'm out to see if I can have some signal somewhere. See you in two hours." and so he went.

My 'tent buddy" approached me. Marco looked impassive. "Let's put up the tent." He spoke softly while never once looking me in the eyes.

And then I saw it, the danger, the little bitch that could ruin everything. No, not the Gnome, well he was a little bitch that had ruined everything but here I was talking about a fucking... BEE!

"MARCO, DANGER, BEE!" And then I proceeded to jump on him. One of these slow motion epic jumps. If the situation wasn't as tensed and dangerous as it was there, I would have high-fived myself. I landed on top of him on the ground. Our gaze met.

I looked at him. He looked at me. I looked back at him, it got awkward. I got stung. It wasn't a bee. It was a fucking wasp and it fucking hurt. I growled. He finally laughed.

Marco had the softest laugh. It was full sweetness but it the same time there was a slight sadness to it, it was full of memories, full of what we didn't do also. 

"Y-you remembered?" he said hesitantly while still smiling slightly. Well maybe he was not really hesitating, he was probably trying to catch his breath as I was crushing abdomen. But I didn't care, I was still shocked that he was addressing me directly, looking me directly in the eyes. And maybe just maybe, his freckles were a little distracting.

"Of course, Especially the size of your arm that day. It freaking tripled in size. " I said hoarsely. It could have been terrible, last time Marco had to go to the hospital. I couldn't even imagine if we had to go through that again. I must admit I was worried.

"You-" Marco had stopped smiling but he didn't look bitter or mad. He looked like he was about to ask something, not just anything it seemed to be burning his lips.

"Hey no love-making while putting up tents." Connie had interrupted imitating Mr. Ackerman's monotonous voice. Oh my God, I was on top of Marco all that time. I jumped out of him, blushing like hell. 

FUCK.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! I know it's not great but I promise I will try making next chapter more exciting and better written. As for now going back to my revisions for my french baccalauréat!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there guys!  
> Thanks for reading the introduction to my fic.  
> Please do feel free to comment to help the fic! This is also the first time I post anything on line so any constructive comments are welcome. Also I am not a native English speaker so I might do a lot of errors, sorry ://.  
> I don't know when I'll be able to update the fic but I hope you're enjoying it for the moment :).


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